Disclaimer time again: Hey, how’s it going? My name’s Jeff. I’ve lived my entire life in Freehold, NJ but I left the comforts of Bruce’s “Hometown” in an effort to enhance my park ranger career at Northern Arizona University located in the 7-11, Dunkin’ Donut, Toys R’ Us, & sporting goods store-less town of Flagstaff, AZ…aka Outdoorfreakhippieville. I was a county level ranger with no way of improving any of my life situations, so I took a shot at getting all educated in the ways of the National Park Service. I’ve been out here since January 2nd and I can’t wait to see my family, friends, girlfriend, and pets when I get home on Easter Sunday! Some of those very loving people suggested I blogged my journey…a writing exercise I’ve never done before…just so everybody knows what I’ve been up to and so they won’t have to listen to a bunch of stories when I get home haha.
Everything’s going well so far. Got a great landlady who has the nicest cat I’ve ever met. My good luck with great roommates continued out here and everybody in my ranger class kicks ass; one might say they are Unstoppable. Along with this ranger certification, I’ve already completed a wilderness first responder certification class, and in less than two weeks I will start and complete a wildland firefighter course. Lots going on, now you’re caught up. This town is weird. Enjoy.
Be Careful What You Wish For
The moral of this post is be careful what you wish for. I have been going nuts the past few weeks. I’ve applied to 16 parks since we’ve started up with the program. Up until last Friday, I’ve only heard back from one. Some of the other students were landing interviews, one got a job early on (because he came from the park where he got hired), and others were at least receiving e-mails stating that they were ineligible for positions.
The best way I can explain this whole application process is as follows:
When you apply to a park you have to answer this (typically) 42 question self-assessment. The seasonal hiring agency then grades your assessment. There must be some sort of cut off for the scores, military dudes can score over 100, and those that make the cut are “referred” to the park you apply to for an interview. You may still score high but still land the dreaded “NR- not referred”. Basically this means that if they get through the high scorers and don’t hire them for whatever reason…they MAY get to you eventually and go through the interview process with you.
So after not hearing anything for nearly 2 months I got my first e-mails last Friday. Remember this is the same assessment for every park, just about. For the Delaware Water Gap (close to home), I scored a 94 and was REFERRED for an interview. I don’t know when it’ll take place but this is good news. The e-mail right next to that said I was “ineligible”...I didn't meet the minimum requirements. I looked over the job announcement and my application packet…can’t figure out why. I looked back at the first non-referral from Virginia, I scored a 90. The weekend past with no further word from the hiring agency but they’ve been coming hot and heavy ever since. I’ve scored as high as 92 on the assessments and I haven’t been referred. The ultimate dream crusher – I whole reason I pursued this journey was to land a seasonal job at Gateway National Recreational Area, located about a half hour from my house. I thought I had that one in the bag. I scored a 92 on the assessment…Not Referred. WHAT THE F!?!?!?!
I’ve been able to survive a lot of crap in my life by putting a positive spin on everything. I know I’ll get through this, Delaware Water Gap looks like a better park to work at (sweet waterfalls…my favorite) and the night I basically got rejected, another job announcement literally just opened that day…for nearly $10 more an hour, just outside NYC. Stay positive people.
Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.
Ah Monday, today was the 1st day of 16 straight days before a day off. Sleeping it off was no cure for my re-injured back so I called the doctor’s office again on our way to PT. It takes us about 15 minutes to get to campus…I was on hold almost the entire time. The only available appointment was this afternoon which meant I’d have to leave halfway through today’s class…DAMN IT! For my faithful followers, you can probably guess how my PT instructor took the news that I jacked up my back. Yup, got the same old “you get out of this class what you put in.” I cut him off by walking away because it hurt too much to be standing anymore. I hobbled over to the fitness stage that we use for box jumps and grimaced as I made several attempts to find the least painful way to get me onto my back. I guess Instructor Situation saw this. He approached me with a more concerned look on his face as he inquired about what happened. When I told him it happened during our D-Tac practice he backed off my case…no pun intended.
I F’n hate missing out on PT. The class looks like they are getting tortured and I can’t have any of the fun. The class split into 2 groups. One group practiced their benching for our PEB while the other half had to do a sprinting drill around the tennis courts and then they switched…and then class was over. During the sprinting drill, Matt, my WFR instructor, came over and asked who was running the class. He continued by saying the sharp turns the class was doing while sprinting is very bad for the knees, he’s a track guy he knows these things. I was hoping he’d confront Mike, just to see what happened, but he didn’t. While I was watching from the sidelines, I found out I was not referred to Gettysburg or to some park in Maine as a boat patrol ranger…scored 91 & 92 on the assessment.
I hobbled out to Nick’s car and worked my way around getting in until I was finally able to overcome the pain and plopped my ass in the passenger seat. Same old transition from PT to class but this time we had to drive separately as I’d be leaving halfway through the class for my doctor’s appointment. Our director was teaching us today. I had to inform her that I had to leave early. She responded with her humorous side that I’ve seen a few times but she rarely displays in the classroom. When I returned to my seat she asked if this is something she needs to be concerned about. I told her I’d talk to her in the hallway if she needed to. She quickly responded with “you’re not pregnant are you?” I thought it was funny.
The portion of the class that I was present for basically played out like a middle school English class and I got to shine a little bit. We spent the first hour going around the room and correcting sentences and other fun things that were up on the projector screen. The second hour was spent doing a little bit more of the same but it was geared toward citation writing. The last thing I did was write a citation which was then turned in for review but not for a grade. We got them back on Wednesday. She told me that she really likes my writing style and I got a “good” marked on my ticket…I rule!
I ran into an old chum from the WFR course when I was heading out to my car. Raise your hand if you remember me talking about the “Question Queen”! Yup Q2 and I crossed paths and almost didn’t say anything. I think she muttered something but wasn’t sure it was me. I didn’t realize it was her until we passed. I saved the awkward transmission with an “Oh hey! How are you?” I walked away chuckling to myself…”haha Question Queen”.
I was nearly late for my appointment and the dude that was checking me in was delaying things even further with this whole insurance company not getting back to me crap. You could tell it was the end of the day because I had to remind the nurse 3 times why I was there.
“What’s the purpose of your visit today?”
“I re-injured an old back injury and I’d just like to have it looked at.”
(immediately after I’m done talking) “What’s the purpose of your visit today?”
“Oh. I re-injured an old…..”
I wanted to tell the broad that I was tired of walking around looking like a magician’s assistant that started to get sawed in half but the body never separated. It’s the weirdest thing. I looked at myself in the mirror before getting in the shower and I looked like that chick in the waiting room in Beetlejuice. My legs were straight up but my torso leaned dramatically to the left…like I was just two body parts.
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| That's how I looked - cut in 2. And yes that's what some of the people in the weighting rooms at my doctor's office look like. |
The doctor walked in and I greeted her with a friendly, “did you miss me?” She’s cool. She touched my butt which I’m not sure was exactly necessary but it’s a good thing I didn’t fart. I got some steroids & some vicodin or something, filled the scripts right there, and I was on my way.
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| Definitely not in NJ anymore. I'd been meaning to post a picture of this sign for some time now. This is on the outside of the hospital. The only other places I can remember seeing them, off the top of my head, is at bars. HA! |
I knew we had a big uniform inspection this week so I dropped my pants off at the dry cleaners then it was time to feed this beast so I could get these drugs in me. There are two places by us that I’ve wanted to at least walk into and check out a menu; Brandy’s & NEW JERSEY PIZZA COMPANY! Brandy’s is in the same shopping center as the cleaners so I went to check it out…they close at 2:30. Are you kidding me?!?! I headed back toward home and pulled into the 5 spot parking lot in front of NJ Pizza Co, it doesn’t look open. There is the tiniest sign on the front door that says they’re only open from 5-9. What the heck is going on around here? Lazy New Jerseyians! I wasn’t waiting until 5 so I went back by Brandy’s and did some grocery shopping and picked up one of their famous rotisserie chickens….which I had to wait 15 minutes for. I put a positive spin on my wait by grabbing a Starbuck’s Java Chip Frappacinno(sp?), no whipped cream...BARF.
Small world afterall fact: The cashier and bagger at checkout were both from NJ. Cashier from Toms River & bagger from just by where I went to college…SMALL WORLD!
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| I've heard nothing but bad things about this place...I wanna try it. |
I got home and stuffed my face so I could take all 7 pills I had to take at once. The doctor told me I’d experience some different side effects but I didn’t see what happened next coming. I told Nick that I was warned about these pills. He asked what the name of my alter ego would be. I don’t know where it came from but I decided his name was Franklin the Polar Bear. (For my NJ Crew…picture Drunk Jeff on steroids). I was going bonkers…more than normal. It was so bad, at one point I was “drunk texting” Laura…and I hadn’t had a drop to drink. Weird thing about all of it…they’re supposed to make you drowsy. Well they did make me drowsy…I just couldn’t sleep so my mental status got even worse as the night went on. I tidied up my room, watched the Spartacus finale ( sad face ), and started playing the Sims 3 on my PS3…big mistake. I was up til 5am living these video game characters’ lives instead of my own hahaha.
Testify & Study Guides
There wasn’t a whole lot of action Tuesday through Thursday. I had the morning off Tuesday, and I did nothing except get “not referred” by more parks and rest my back. We had one of the more interesting classes to date. We got into our groups from our scenarios and put our reports and stuff together to prepare for court on Friday. I had to make a photo log of my CSI type crime scene photos…it’s soooo cool. It’ll be interesting to see us get picked apart in court by the defense attorney. I talked to my best friend in the whole wide world, Chris Rath, on the phone for almost an hour so that was good. I hardly talked to Laura today, she was a sleepy head. I missed the study group at Arkansas because I was drugged up and Nick passed out early…he was a sleepy head and I had no ride. I got my first Netflix DVD in the mail, Cyrus. Why didn’t anybody tell me how awful that movie was?
Wednesday morning meant another missed PT session. Instructor Situation showed concern for me again and suggested I see a sports doctor and get a massage. I was able to walk around today so I didn’t just lie on my back. The class was given the option to run outside or do one of his intense workouts. The class actually split into two groups and did the different options. I remained inside and tried doing some foam exercises for my back. It hurt even more when I was done but whatever. It killed me that I couldn’t lift with my boy Stan! Class today was awesome; it was all about detecting deception & liars’ behaviors during interrogations. I HATE LIARS! Lying & smoking battle each other out for the top spot of things that piss me off. I can’t wait to try out some these things on my friends and hell if being a park ranger doesn’t work out, these new skills should make me one hell of a poker player hahahahaha.
Some good news came out of today...one of the girls in the class got hired at Zion National Park! I was there when she got the call, she was so happy. I know she'll be awesome. Two students down...24 more to go!
Laura called me on my way home from class; it was great to actually hear from her while she was alert and not when I’m waking her up. Mama Jane said we could have some friends over for a study group…our least productive study group to date. Curtis, Arkansas, and 1 of the 3 Laurens came by. We ordered Domino’s and basically BS’d the whole time. We maybe got 20 minutes to a half hour of studying done in the 2.5 hours they were here. To be honest, there was no way to study for this test..even with a study guide…it was too broad. One of our instructors put it to us like this. Have fun while we’re out here for this program. We may have tests or whatever but studying for 4 hours instead of 2 hours may be the difference of getting an 87 or a 77, but the fun stuff will be better…or something. I’m paraphrasing of course but that’s what we did. The gang left, I gave myself a haircut, popped the rest of the day’s drugs and slowly fell asleep.
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| Fiona only loves me like this when there's nobody else around. I feel so used and unappreciated |
Test Day Thursday
I did NOT want to wake up today. It was cold in my room and I was as snug as a bug in a rug…in my bed. I woke up briefly at 7am and saw that I had an e-mail. Another e-mail from the hiring agency…up…another “NR”. Won’t be working in Northern NY anytime soon. That definitely didn’t make me want to get out of bed. When I finally did wake up I joined my first ever fantasy baseball league. Baseball’s not a sport as far as I’m concerned but the league was full of some dudes I went to school with (preschool and high school) and I just took all of their money by winning their fantasy football championship my first year in the league…the league is free…so I’ll give it a whirl.
I basically BS’d the whole morning away. I trimmed up Nick’s neckline and messed around on some websites; looking at other jobs and what not. We have no TV so I have no idea what all of this hype over Charlie Sheen has been. J. Kush showed me the way. Sheen is a weird-o.
If you're under the same rock I was...here it is
I polished my boots, showered, shaved, and got dressed for our big inspection. Part of our new on the way to class routine involves picking up Travis, who lives right next to campus but has a ways to walk. He walks, we see him, we pick him up. Nothing new today. As soon as we got into the classroom we had to get ready for our inspection…the first one with our duty belts. The purpose of the inspection was to see what equipment needed to be replaced. I have a dinky handcuff key, a tiny radio holster, and my baton holster is too big. All of that is getting fixed. Our instructor today is “on our side” for our mock court hearing tomorrow. She basically gave us a rundown of how the hearing will go. We may be lucky. We were scheduled to be in court for 4 hours, we still will be, but we’ll most likely be involved for only 2 hours since it’s a real court and they start doing real court stuff at 3pm. We’ll get to stay & watch. SWEET! When there was an hour left in class we had to head to the computer lab, turn in our flashdrive notebooks and take our test on the computer. I got a 100% on my notebook and an 87% on my test, my two best TEST GRADES! Not bad for not studying ey?
Nick & I got home and make a banging dinner. We then realized that we had some errands to run so we hit up Sears, Best Buy, Old Navy, Wendy’s (for Frosties) and Walmart. When we got home I had to bang out a makeup assignment that I missed when I left for the doctor’s office and began filling you all in here.
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| Jack Daniel's BBQ Pulled Chicken on a wheat bun, deviled egg potato salad, mac & cheese, & Bird's Eye steamed veggies. Not the healthiest but it was delicious! |
As hectic as things have been lately I was able to stop for a second and put something into perspective…which I shared with Laura…and that is: It’s almost Sunday which means I have almost a month and a half until I’m home!
I’m nervous about court tomorrow, as “fake” as it may be, but we’ll finally get down to the shooting range in Sedona this weekend…where it’ll be 70 DEGREES!!!! BOOO YAAAHHHH!!!!! There’s a positive in every negative my friends.
Good Night
Flagstaff Observations
Hippy Drugs The bronchitis medication messed me up. Aside from giving me horrible headaches, they made me super sensitive to the sun. I couldn’t be in the car for too long or my face would fry…and it did. The back drugs…I was told they would make it very hard for me to concentrate and that if I drove not too long after taking them…it would be like driving DUI. What the hell kind of hippies are making these things?!?!
On the Home Front
Kick Ass Alex If you’re a cool person than you’ve been to my house in Bayville before. If you’ve been there then you’ve definitely met my awesome neighbors who have dubbed me “Cousin Jeffrey”. I found out earlier this week that one of the “boys next door” received a full scholarship to play football at Farleigh Dickinson University in the fall! I’ve known Alex since he was just an infant. I can’t believe how fast he’s grown up. It’s been hard to see him and his family a lot but I’m very proud of him and I wish him nothing the but the best!
Words With Friends Everybody is beating me, then again I’m only playing my sister, brother, his g/f, and Laura…but they are all beating me. I’m filing a protest because they said I couldn’t use Cajun and the location I was going to use it would’ve made it like a 50pt word! Twice against Elena I had nothing but consonants and twice against Brian I had nothing but vowels. I couldn’t make any words so I had to swipe out some letters and lose my turn. BS!
MOUNT UP!!!
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