WoW! I stop posting for 2 days and things get violent in Arizona! Yesterday there was some hostage situation at a mall in Phoenix and today, Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and 5 others including a 9 year old girl & a federal judge were shot in Tucson! Don’t worry; I’m nowhere near either of those places, this is just sad.
Day After Doubt:
The night of my last posting, which was probably the weakest I’ve ever let anybody see, was just me purging how I was feeling at the moment. The point of this blog is to vent…have a stream of consciousness. As you can tell by most of my entries, I don’t even stop to spell check or look for grammar, I just flow. Everything going on with my & getting rushed right into a class that is condensed into 8 days that should take 4 months to complete is extremely overwhelming. I am fine, partly because of all of you. Thank you for all the support and encouragement, I’ve just never been through anything like this before and I felt like I was going to fail…something I never do…and I was sharing that with you all. Now moving on.
The night of my last post was probably the worst night’s sleep I’ve had since arriving in here in “Flag”. I actually woke up from a nightmare about the course; sweating, breathing heavy, & I couldn’t really seem to calm myself down. The material I was reading before going to sleep was about snake bites. In my nightmare, my instructor was bitten by a snake and turned into a snake and it was my task to take care of him…with a partner. For those of you in “the know”, I was controlling C-Spine (it’s been getting bashed into our brains all week) while my partner was sucking at life so I tried to look for the bite wound while controlling C-Spine. My instructor didn’t like that! He slammed his hands on the ground and said, “you better figure out what you’re doing or you’re gonna fail” and he stormed off. His little assistant followed in his footsteps and threw out a little snarky comment…”It’s not my money.” I woke up from that nightmare at 5:15am, couldn’t decide if I should get up and study or try to get some rest because these days in the classroom have been draaaaaagggggggiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggg. I did neither. I couldn’t fall asleep but I was too tired to open a book. I got a massive headache from the dream so when I eventually got out of bed at 6:45, I popped an Ibuprofen and got ready for class.
I finally got a turn to drive and I was basically able to find my way. I hardly studied the prior day’s notes as I felt like there was an E-Town Concrete moshpit going on in my brain and I was running scenarios through my head as to how I’d tell those that I love that I gave up on myself and quit the program. If I did that I’d never be able to look myself in the mirror again. On our trip in, Nick quizzed me and read off facts…obviously not much was staying with me as I almost felt like I was driving in a foreign country. We got to class, handed in our homework, and grabbed a quiz. I sat down with my quiz, looked at the questions, and nearly threw it into my book bag & said forget about it. (**remember** It wouldn’t have mattered, I’m a non credit student) Then I took a breath and thought for a second. I said my favorite pre-interview/ pre-big decision phrases…”Unique New York” & “Ow Now Brown Cow” (God I love Anchorman!) and everything started to click. I got a 4.5 outta 5, I didn’t remember seeing the 2nd part of the question I got a half point on. I’ve gotten 4 outta 5 on EVERY quiz so even after all of this turmoil, I posted my best quiz score of the course!
Dr. Allison took over the class for the day. She brought her dog Nessy in because she ran away while Dr. A was heading out for class. So we had a mascot for the day and, as any dog owner would tell you, there’s just something therapeutic about having a dog around. She wandered around the class, smelling everybody, students bending down to pet her while trying to pay attention…it was great. She stopped and smelled my bagged lunch and I thought she was going to jump in my book bag for a nap. It was here that not only did I find out “Can’t Stop Playing with his Cell Phone” Kid was sitting right next to his brother…they were Dr. Allison’s neighbors/dog watchers.
Dr. A’s teaching style is different to that of Matt’s. She bombarded us with all kinds of topics and then throws a practice scenario at us to try to figure out which one it was whereas Matt will teach us a topic & then do scenario…usually combining with something from earlier in the week. I’m not sure which one I prefer better but this was the best day of the week in scenario-ville…..so far. After one our breaks, Dr. Allison addressed the class saying that their goal was not to just have us pass this course but to have us do well when we leave it and if anybody thought they were falling behind then we should ask her, Matt or Derek. I’m paraphrasing but it’s almost as if she was in my head. Then, Nick & I got a whole lot closer hahaha.
Let’s face it, I’m no model. I mean…I’m sexy as hell but I really need my body to catch up to my face. Well one of the topics we were covering today was abdominal exams and…you guessed it…we had to pick up our shirts and let our partners put their hands all over our bodies. Easily the most uncomfortable I’ve been this week but we made it through it. “You ok man?” I asked Nick. “Yeah why?” he replies. “I don’t know man, you just had your hands all over the Man-Beast.” “I’m comfortable where I am.” Hahahahhahahahahahaha (yes that’s how I just laughed after writing that.) We also worked together on clearing the C-Spine meaning, not finding any distracting injuries, their LOC is A&Ox3 or better, they are sober, and they are warm. Dig it?
It was almost scenario time but today we’d be doing it with different groups. I don’t remember what the scenarios were but I got to be a park ranger in one and my new group mates were just as great as my last ones. Eric, who works for some sort of Fire company on campus or out in the mountains or something, and Brad…ANOTHER future ranger; both guys with a little bit of experience but were willing to take their time and learn it right. My kinds of people. While waiting to do one of the scenarios, my old group mate Tim introduced me to one of his new members…a Jersey Girl! Jersey’s taking over this place! Like Tim, she moved to Flag from NJ…her reasoning??? Her dad is a Jet Ski driver!!!! Oh the people you meet out here haha. She was one of the MANY students venting about how poorly they think they’re doing in the scenarios…JUST LIKE ME! One kid, Trevor, even asked Dr. Allison in class about the flip-flopping b/w care & assessment issues I was having! I asked one of the more experienced students, John (another future ranger) a question about something discussed in class, he didn’t know the answer, asked Matt, Matt addressed it to the entire class as a “Good Question!” DAMN IT! No gold star for me.
Much of the day was a blur, Dr. Allison loves to talk, especially about how great our class is, so we actually got out 20 MINUTES LATE! To be even crazier…I stayed after and brought some of my concerns with her. She sort of guided me in the right direction but it came down to me mastering the treatments for EVERYTHING! Ooofff. We got out of class and walked to my car, accompanied by another classmate named Zach…who drives an older version of my 4Runner hahaha. When we got in the car, Jane sent me a text that my boxes of clothes had arrived from Freehold…MY FIRST MAIL, YAY! We had to stop at Walmart because neither of us had a flash drive or disk to save our presentation on so we picked that up and headed home. WHOOMP THERE THEY WERE! I hugged my boxes & Jane took a goofy picture of me with them. My car & TV the day before, now my clothes…which I way overpacked….I’m FINALLY starting to feel at home here! I unpacked 2 of the three boxes and then Nick & I got down to business on fever presentation. We worked on it for over 2 hours; I even made my own sound clip from that Peggy Lee “Fever” song. Most of the time was taken up by us laughing our asses off at the funny pictures we were going to put in it and the funnier stuff I was going to say during the presentation.
When that was done, I showered for as long as the hot water lasted…so about 2 minutes hahahaha…got some homework done and fell asleep reading…around midnight.
Things are looking up. “Who has never tasted bitter doesn’t know what is sweet” ~ Some German Proverb.
On Pins & Needles:
Last night was probably one of the best nights of sleep since I’ve been here. It was so good that I woke up, turned off my alarm, and almost foolishly went back to sleep. Who goes to school on a Saturday?!?!? Tragedy averted. Another night of no studying, when will I learn my lesson? Tomorrow’s the last day of quizzes so if I don’t do it tonight then I guess I never will. Maybe I should do that instead of blogging???.....NAH!!
Nick tried pumping out facts on the way to class today but all I could hear was Charlie Brown’s teacher…he may as well have been speaking German to me. Honestly, I don’t know how I do so well on these quizzes because I even crammed some info in once I got into the classroom, just said “Ah screw it! If I don’t know it by now then I don’t know it.” Once again, I somehow pulled off a 4/5. One thing I don’t like, the past 2 homeworks I got 9 outta 10s…its homework! I don’t know. Dr. Allison was back but this time sans Nessy. Today we were talking about stuff right up my alley…people with psychological disorders (because I was Psych & Crim major…duh). After finally seeing what the end result was with my killer roommate from college, I was half tempted to bring him up like the rest of the class that tells their usually pointless stories that do nothing but slow down the class, make lunch later, thus making us stay longer in the afternoon…but I like to eat and I like to take my daily poop around 5:20…so I refrained.
A general observation of the class…the entire aura of the class just felt lighter. There was a lot of laughing going on, nobody seemed as tense. People talked to people other than those right next to them. Although completely opposite, it almost feels like what Matthew Modine describes in Full Metal Jacket when at the end of their basic training…they were bonding and turning into monsters…or killing machines….whatever. I’m sure this is the same feeling that anybody that’s been in any kind of sorority or fraternity pledge class felt as they were approaching “Hell Week”. We were just over the half way mark and I think everybody felt it. People were commiserating about how we do NOTHING but go to this class, eat something, read/hw/study, and fall asleep. The class is intense but I think it served everybody very well to see that all 29…or most of the 29 of us…were going through the same thing. I finally talked to the two married guys that are taking the course with their wives and learned their names. Now I’m the only one in the room that knows everybody’s names…I’m willing to bet my car on it! Earlier I said that yesterday was the best day being out here…today blew it away! Even at lunch, when Nick & I usually go to the lounge that only a few people venture up to, about a third of the class sat together at tables in a lobby and ate together, made fun of each other, shared animal stories (you know you’re not in New Jersey anymore when people are talking about what kind of damage a bison and a buffalo did to their car or that they hit a buzzard while going to the mall) and the best part of it all is…the longer the break went…the more people brought chairs over to sit and kick it with us! I’m sure I wasn’t the only one but a little part of me got a little sad that I wasn’t going to see most of these people ever again after Wednesday. I even tried helping one of my future ranger trainees find a new place to live because her landlord brings over her online dates and bangs them all night and the girl can hear them through their thin ass walls…hahahahahahahahahaha. Hysterical, but uncomfortable. I’ve made some great acquaintances but I’m going to hate saying goodbye…especially with “Hell Day” on the horizon this Monday.
Rewind back to the beginning of the day. It’s scenario time and it’s my turn to be the victim, good thing too because I would definitely not have figured this puppy out. The victims were pre-teens at a ski camp that didn’t want to get out of bed for breakfast and we had to show signs of stomach pain…but the stomachs my friends…those weren’t the issue. The point of the scenario was to get the “rescuers” to talk about difficult things, things they might not feel comfortable talking about…and the victims had to make them pry information out of them. We’d never done anything like this before, but it was great.
The boys were STOMPED in their nuts by another boy and the girls had SEX…and both were feeling pain in their private parts that radiated to their stomachs. Any dude that’s been hit in the nuts knows that the pain goes up to your stomach and eventually makes you want to puke. If I missed my calling to be a writer, as some of you suggest, then I certainly missed my calling as an actor. Instructor Matt was checking on all of the groups but he stopped at us and observed my entire performance. It took my group a little while to get it so Matt had to stop us due to time constraints but he said my acting was incredible…I drew my inspiration from when I mistimed a pre-gaming football catch at the Giants/Jaguars game and rolled around on the ground for about 3 minutes. PRICELESS!
That scenario was nothing compared to the next one. We were split into bigger groups and I was 1 of 3 river guides and 3 of our passengers disappeared from the group and it was up to us and 3 other students playing the parts of students on the trip to find our missing group members. Unbeknownst to us, they were mentally handicapped AND tried some sort of poisonous seed they found along the river bed. This scenario was near impossible and it was the first time we dealt with 3 victims so we had to practice our triage (prioritizing patients). The lady in our group was psychotic, one of the guys was unresponsive, and the other was puking his brains out. The moral of the story was check on all 3 but make sure the unresponsive guy doesn’t die…and if you don’t give him the proper care…he dies. Scary shit.
Following the scenario, we prolonged lunch by an hour so we could get in our session of epinephrine administration. That’s right…we actually administered epinephrine! We didn’t do it via Epi-Pen, fortunately, we took turns injecting each other with a syringe filled with a small adult’s ration of saline solution. I had a feeling that we’d be injecting people with needles at some point and with very little warning, here it was. Sitting in the back of the class, I was right by the “operation table” that Matt & Derek set up. I gave Nick the heads up, he didn’t believe me, I almost couldn’t believe myself…nor could the rest of the class when Dr. Allison let them in on our little secret. Everybody immediately looked uncomfortable and one girl even started crying…and continued to do so until she injected Matt…but didn’t take the shot herself. Women. Everybody handled it very well. I was a little nervous but since I had experience injecting my turtle, Lucky, when he nearly lost his foot…I was ok. The aforementioned cell phone kid was shaking like a leaf from the alcohol swipe on the solution vile to the extraction of the needle from his brother’s arm. Seemingly tough guy Tim talked to his brother while his nephew stuck him but when it was turn, he too had a case of the shakes. “Damn, we’re going to be like the closest roommates ever after this class.” I joked with Nick.
I ACTUALLY INJECTED SOMEBODY WITH A NEEDLE!
We finally got to our aforementioned lunch break and then it was time for our presentations. The presentations only had to be about 5 minutes and they don’t really affect us one way or another (again, I’m not a credit student), but I really wanted to hit this thing out of the park. I joke/dance/sing in front of people all the time but getting in front of people just gets to me sometimes. We were the last of the four groups to go and I naturally wanted to leave a lasting impression.
Before the presentation started, I asked everybody how their arms were feeling after the shots…that got a little bit of a chuckle out of everybody. We then fired up our PowerPoint. My “Fever’ sound clip didn’t transfer…my first time using a flashdrive, I guess I was supposed to load that on as a file too, but I’m a professional and I didn’t let it stop me.
“Hi That’s Nick & I’m Jeff…and we’re from the back of the room. (laughter pause)
Today we’re going to be giving you a brief overview of general fever.
We’re not going to be talking about typhoon fever.
We’re not going to be talking about hay fever.
We’re not going to talk to you about Cabin Fever (Cabin Fever movie poster pops slides on the screen)
Even though it’s Saturday, we’re not going to talk to you about Saturday Night Fever (SNF movie poster slides up the screen with Travolta frozen in that patented pointed pose on the dance floor…audience laughs a little bit more.)
And we are DEFINITELY not going to discuss the newest outbreak of fever that is sweeping the nation…(picture of Justin Bieber slides onto the screen, resting on both previous pics as the centerpiece) Bieber Fever! (hysterical laughter…long enough for the laughing break to prolong our presentation a few vital seconds.)”
When discussing the treatments for fever, one was taking a bath in tepid water. I quickly threw in that this was my father's cure all for everything and I could hear laughter in between the "mine too"s. I felt like a standup comedian…hopefully I didn’t mumble too badly…but I had the buildup, punch lines, and applause breaks…only thing missing was a standing O at the end of the show. However after our presentation, we got another break and for the rest of the day, just about the entire class came up to Nick or I to compliment us on our work. I suddenly didn’t care about any of the negative things that have been going on in my life the past month or so…I felt…proud. And all I was doing was being my goofball self. The cool thing about this class…we get our grades almost instantly. We got a 15/15. “Knocks” or to those in Jersey and just about everywhere else in the world it’s “Gimme a Pound”, but I was celebrating with my Illini roommate.
Comments on our little score card:
5/5 devotion to project: Great humorous intro. 5/5 for getting the class involved…we cheated by making them read the symptoms we had listed, and 5/5 for the useful pics in our visual aids. It was awesome but I was so nervous.
We covered hyperthermia, did another scenario, watched a video on these high school kids doing a hypothermia study with the Coast Guard…just crazy…and then talked a little bit about “Hell Day”. This thing is going to be absolutely insane! Needless to say I probably won’t post again until Tuesday but here’s a brief preview of Hell Day. We meet at school at 9AM, dressed in an as many layers as possible, packed with extra clothes and enough food, water, & calorie stabilizing snacks to get us through the day AND night….well late at night. I think this is the first time that the WFR course won’t be an overnight excursion but we should be out until 11pm. That’s Bummer #1 but that’s the only bummer I can live with…it’s only a bummer because I will still not have ever been camping in my entire life! WFR Bummer #2…there’s no San Juan River trip that was in the tentative syllabus AAAANNNNNDDDD WFR Bummer #3…I’m almost positive there will be no helicopter ride involved in our helicopter evacuation portion of the course. BUMMER!
After class, Nick & I got the mock midterm answers from Matt and the Travis (my old group mate) approached me with a real question. “Can you crack my back?” It’s like I never left NJ! Hahaha. He crossed his arms & I cracked him super good...he was so relieved. “My back hasn’t felt right since I stopped driving (from New York).” “Anytime man. I used to do it for everybody back home too”, I reassured him. “Man that’s great. I had to ask you because you’re the only person here taller than me.”
HaHaHa…I guess that’s good for some things.
When we left NAU, Nick & I got in some unexpected exploring. We found the mall that I didn’t know existed, Best Buy, Old Navy, Home Depot, and Office Max or Depot…whatever…which is where we had to go so Nick could pick up some note cards. We wanted to get something to eat but both desperately needed a potty break, like I said…my daily 5:20pm PooP. That didn’t stop us from driving past the Toyota dealership and passing my future baby…the 4Runner. Wound up on some dead end street…drive back past the 4Runner hahahaha. (more on that in a second)
We got home & handled our business…we saw Jane hadn’t been home so I checked the mail and ONE of my fantasy football Championship checks was in the mail! Woo Hoo!!! More Mail!!! Neither of us felt like cooking so we went to the pizza place around the corner that was voted best in Flagstaff to see if it beat NJ or Chicago pizza. We went into the place and taken back by what we saw, I’m not talking about the extremely crowded pizzeria that had maybe 20 tables, sold beer & wine, and had a line almost out the door, I’m talking about the giant HDTV that was right in the middle of the room playing the Jets/Colts game. We got a Meat Lovers Pie & wings, Man Food as Nick describes it and to wait 30 minutes. I tried depositing my new found winnings but wasn’t sure what would happen since my Wachovias didn’t switch over to Wells Fargo back home but that’s all they got here. ATM card worked but they didn’t have the same “deposit without envelope” option & the envelopes were locked inside the bank lobby. Another plan foiled. Nick wanted to look at some “Hell Day” supplies at this place downtown called Peace Surplus, which is basically heaven on smaller scale for any outdoor enthusiast…but it was also a souvenir shop. I swear I think all the people of Flagstaff do is go on hikes, go camping, or take river trips. EVERYBODY HERE IS AN OUTDOORS FREAK! I wish I was. I still hope to get out on a hike or rock climbing trip before I leave but it sounds like if I don’t do it in the time I’m off b/w the WFR & the ranger programs, I might not be able to do it. The reason being, during the 13 weeks of ranger training, I believe that if we want to do something out of the norm after program hours, we need to get it approved by the program director. If only the NFL would look after their players like this…if only I got paid like one of them!
Little bit of reflection…it’s hard to believe that at this time a week ago…I was just finishing up saying goodbye to my siblings for the last time in person for 4 months after playing the world’s longest game of Uno. It’s also hard to believe that around this time last week I was sitting at a desk, much like I am right now, but I could turn around and watch my queen off in Dreamland. It’s these people that’ll continue to get me through all of these future days of doubt. I love and miss them dearly.
More Flagstaff Observations:
1.) There is food EVERYWHERE! There are so many restaurants around this town that I don’t know how they aren’t the fattest city in the world. Maybe it’s all fuel for all the crazy outdoor activities.
2.) There are hotels & motels EVERYWHERE! Nick keeps reiterating that this is a very touristy area but my goodness…there are more hotels/motels than there are gas stations and they might even challenge the number of food places!
3.) There are 4Runners EVERYWHERE! I feel like everybody around here drives one. I’m a big believer in looking for signs. Seeing all of these 4Runners is a sign for me to keep my goals in check. I haven’t really had a break here but I gotta remember that this isn’t a vacation. A 4Runner is one of the reasons I left my good standing full-time job with benefits & a great group of guys. Along with the numerous people in my support group, seeing all of these 4Runners will be a constant reminder to “Just Keep Swimming”.
4.) Whenever the heat comes on it makes my bedroom door shift. If this was the Freehold house I’d swear this house was haunted hahahaha.
Made My Day From Home:
1.) It’s my sister Katie’s Birthday. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for it and I’m sorry this snow blows, but I hope you made the best of it.
2.) Two more guys from Holmdel Park reached out. Ed wanted to see how it was going at Club FED…not realizing that doesn’t start for another 10 days or so. My old alarm clock Triple J texted me “Wake Up!” at 6:40am AZ time…nut job.
3.) My boy Chuck texted me and told me he’s just a few steps closer to making his Law Enforcement dreams a reality. Mount Up Mr. A-Team…just don’t choke like you do every year in the playoffs hahahaha just kidding. Proud of you.
4.) Let me find the individual that’s giving Maureen a hard time in whatever park I end up working at…we’ll see who’s getting in who’s head then.
5.) Got a phone call from Big Bro last night, was good hearing from him as he tried to keep me level headed out here as well.
6.) The Seattle Seahawks got into the playoffs with a losing record and knocked off the defending Champs…just like my Regulators in J.E.F.F. I’m bummed the Jets won but at least we’ll have 2 new teams in the Super Bowl! It’ll be the Steelers & Falcons…sorry for the spoiler.
Wow this took away a lot of precious study/review/homework time so hopefully these 7 pages will be enough to hold you over until Tuesday or so…just imagine how long that 1 will be!
Everybody stay safe; keep the texts & comments coming. I love the feedback.
Love ya’ll
Mount Up!!!
YOUR MY BOY BLUE!
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