Sedona Bound:
Aaahhhhhh I finally got to sleep in. WFR hell was behind me and it was time for a mini vacation. I woke up around 10o’clock today and still felt tired when I woke up. I was very eager to get up and get going today because I was going to cross off one of my hypothetical Arizona To-Do list items, take a hike. We were hoping to leave around 10 but I milked it this morning…I didn’t get out of bed til about 10:15. “What do I wear?” Jersey Jeff inquired. Illinoyed that I was still sleeping Nick replied, “I don’t know. Clothes!” I got up & got dressed as if I was prepared for the middle ground temperature wise. Sedona came highly recommended by Second Guess Sardoni back at Holmdel Park and by the way he described it, I didn’t think I’d need the long john underwear or “Little Hottie” hand warmers. After getting dressed I grabbed a whole wheat bagel thin with cream cheese & a Gatorade and we were out the door & on our way. That was until our travel got delayed by a mini Jerzinois pit crew excursion. Nick got out of the driveway and decided it was time to check his oil. He topped off the black gold and tried to fill up the antifreeze while we were at it but the cap felt like it was super glued on. The temperature was in the mid 20s so instead of fighting with the cap any longer Nick decided he’d deal with it later. We were on our way to pick up “Arkansas” but got a little bit lost, but we found her.
While trying to find her house, I reached out to one of my mentors & homeboys from Holmdel Park, Augun. The rumors that were swirling around the Park System had finally come to fruition; the transfers that have been hinted at the entire 2 plus years I was at the park were happening…and there were A LOT of them. Starting January 1st, Holmdel took over a part of the Henry Hudson trail that stretched from Aberdeen all the way to Freehold…aka a part of the Park System property that ended just about 2 minutes from my house. That would’ve been convenient. Augun went on to tell me that in order to help regulate the newly acquired lands, they got three new rangers from different parks to try to take my place. That makes a total of 5 rangers (since 2 brand new rookies started right as I was about to leave) to take my place…Damn I’m Awesome! Okay, so the 1 thorn in my side ranger from there that wanted to be transferred for over a year finally got his wish too, so it took 5 to replace us 2, but he went to one of the dumbest parks we have and he’s not happy about it at all. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. “Be careful what you wish for cuz you just might get it all.” One final thing Augun added was that the break room was too quiet in my absence and he wanted me back to liven it up. I told them they’d be sorry when I left.
We picked up Arkansas and had to stop at the gas station before heading down to Sedona. Arkansas, Laura, is a very shy, proper, and well reserved young lady that I guess I have to watch what I say around her. She’s not one for the potty humor if you know what I mean. It’s hard to censor that sort of stuff after working with all dudes who mostly acted their shoe sizes instead of their ages but one thing I commented on quite possibly terrified her briefly. It was something along the lines of letting 2 guys she’s known for only a week drive her all over town. Something to that affect. I merely expressing my surprise about how comfortable she was so soon and she replied with something like “Should I be worried?” I could literally feel her hand on the door handle as she was preparing to jump out. I tried to explain myself but thank goodness my Laura called to say hi, which hopefully reassured Arkansas.
 |
| Coming down The Switchbacks |
Nick is like Magellan or some sort of human GPS; he knows how to get everywhere! We set off for Sedona, roughly a half hour trip, and despite missing our initial exit off the freeway…it was a relatively easy trip. I’ve been here just shy of 2 weeks now and I haven’t seen a single exhibit of wildlife and I was starting to get angry about it. They road signs for elk all along the highway but none to be seen anywhere! The coolest part of the trip was driving down The Switchbacks! I tried posting some pics on FB but they don’t do any justice for this truly awesome sight. You’re zigzagging down the mountains, bending & curving all the way; dropping 2,000ft in elevation. There some crazy houses nestled along in the mountains and plenty of great places to stop for photo opportunities but all I could think about was imagining me driving up a road like this in the snow had I driven out here instead of flown. YIKES! Just as there was on the way up from Phoenix on Day 1, there was an imaginary border where snow covered mountains & pine trees turned into red desert rocks and cactus right before your very eyes. We reached Sedona and drove through a very touristy part of town littered with Indian jewelry vendors, Jeep tour outlets, and even more restaurants.
We got through town and pulled into Red Rock State Park, where I found out what “cattle catchers” were. Cattle catchers are a series of metal grates in the ground designed to catch the hooves of cows or whatever else as a means to prevent them from crossing the road. I know sounds counterproductive…wouldn’t the cow just be stuck in the road instead of crossing…thus making it more of an obstacle to motorists? We were greeted at a telephone booth type place by a very pleasant old guy, paid our 10 bucks and made our way to the parking lot. Nick decided he was going to rock his polo shirt sans sweatshirt & jacket. I looked at the temperature…it jumped nearly 30 degrees in our roughly 30 minute ride from Flagstaff to Sedona, so I lost my sweatshirt too but kept the Under Armor skull cap. We wandered around the area of the visitor center and took potty breaks. While waiting for Arkansas we observed an Arizona State Park Ranger working on something on the observation deck. I snapped a pic of him & his truck and we headed down to the trail heads where I saw the sign I basically dubbed as false advertising. “You are entering Mountain Lion Country”. Just as I did when I was bouldering near Lake Mead with my friends Dana & Eric who told me mountain lions inhabited that area, I spent all of the time there looking for one of these beautiful cats; and just as the story went with our ride up…I didn’t see any of the suggested wildlife.
Hiking was pretty cool. We made our way past a flat field and down a hill toward the bridge that crossed some famous creek.
Nick: You’ve gotta wait, there’s a weight limit for this bridge.
Me: (instantly) Good thing there’s not a height requirement or you’d be screwed.
Nick: (almost as instantly) I can see over the first railing
HAHAHAHAHAHA we’re so funny. As soon as we crossed the bridge we came to a giant mutant tree, easily one of the biggest Nick had ever seen. I called it the Willow Tree. Yes there already are some sorts of willow trees out there, like the pussy willow, but this one was J~DuBBed as such because it reminded me of that two headed dragon in the first castle battle scene in the movie Willow when Sorsha turns on her mom, Queen Bavmorda, and makes out with Madmartigan played by Val Kilmer. We each posed for a picture in front of it and made our way up the rock. The passages were narrow and sometimes you had to duck under leaning trees and maneuver around cacti and I was moving slower than the other two because I was determined to find a mountain lion!
 |
| Huge "Willow" Tree |
 |
| The 2-Headed Monster Thing from Willow That Inspired the Tree Name. |
This little venture was just what I had in mind. The sights were beautiful and some were weird. There were a few frozen “waterfalls” coming down this desert mountain. Very strange but very cool. One key attraction was the House of Apache Fire. I don’t know what it’s all about but we saw it. Whenever it was safe I looked to bypass the trail, go offroading if you will, to get to the next part of the trail. Using our map as a guide we were looking for a trail called Eagle’s nest because of its scenic overlooks, and at a few points we came to signs leading us in that direction. One of those times, the sign was right next to a smaller sign that read “Danger. Cliff.” Guess where I went while the other two followed the arrow. That’s right! DANGER CLIFF! Damn it was a cool sight. It overlooked the tops of trees so you know we were up there. We zigzagged down the mountain, heard some sort of animal rustling in some debris and I prayed it was a mountain lion…but we couldn’t see anything. We made our way down the mountain about a half mile away from where we began only to learn that the creek crossings had all washed away so we couldn’t get back to other side without backtracking to the bridge. We thought we could get back another way but it was mountainous pass that seemingly went around the perimeter of the park that was almost as far away as we’ve already traveled and we were all hungry, so we backtracked. You could smell the fresh water coming from the rushing creek, it smelt sooo…..fresh. A big “To-Do” was crossed off the list and now it was time for food.
 |
| House of Apache Fire |
 |
| Frozen Waterfall Thing |
 |
| View From "Danger Cliff" |
We stopped back at the little ticket booth and asked the old dude where we could find some good BBQ, he suggested the Barking Frog and I remembered that we passed it on the way in. The Barking Frog Sucked! It was some sort of high-end restaurant with a crazy cocktail lounge that you needed to drive a Range Rover or a Beemer to be accepted amongst its regulars and worst of all…it had NO BBQ food on its menu. That old guy was stupid. Needless to say, we left before the server even got to our table. We ended up going to a place called Nick’s (guess who picked it) which essentially was a diner. Not quite what we expected but the food was AWESOME! Pulled pork sandwich with sweet potato fries & a piece of chocolate pecan pie for desert…it was glorious. Nick & Arkansas each got some sort of brisket concoction but the waitress messed them up. Belly was full and off we went, back to Flagstaff. Upon our departure it was a toasty 61 degrees..The Switchbacks start just past the touristy part of town and by the time we got about a quarter mile on them, the temperatures were in the 40s…so bizarre. I was much quieter on the ride home, Arkansas suspected a food coma but I was pretty ticked that I still hadn’t seen any wildlife. We were near Flagstaff and were about to get on the freeway when I let out. “I can’t believe I’ve been out & about for almost 2 weeks and I still haven’t seen any kind of wildlife.” Five seconds after I finish the sentence, Arkansas taps me on the shoulder and points out the passenger side window, “what about those?” I look out the window and see 3 MASSIVE elk(s)? elken? grazing on the side of the road behind a wire fence. They were so awesome! They looked like camels. Nick wouldn’t stop so I could take a picture…tyrant.
We dropped Arkansas off and swung by the cleaners to pick up my pants…damn they’re fast. This time when I walked inside, a little bit of the more stereotypical cleaners employees were working and not the Brooklyn Decker look-a-like. They say Flagstaff was founded by hippies. I wouldn’t exactly call the women I saw in the cleaners hippies but they were very…soulful? spiritual?...type Native Americans. We pulled into the driveway and saw that Jane was home. The last 2 times we pulled up & Jane was home we had a little fun at her expense so we sat in the car for a minute to figure out our next set-up.
Gullible Jane:
1. The day I was the cutting victim for the WFRer scenario: I walk in with fake blood still staining my hand, Jane’s in the kitchen…just out of our sight. Nick says, “I really think we should take you back to the hospital Jeff, that doesn’t look good. I reply, “Oh I’ll be fine.” Jane face was priceless as she looked around the kitchen wall at us. She was so concerned & we almost fell on the floor laughing.
2. Next day. Came home around 11 after the cowboy bar, Jane’s on her computer, just barely in sight of the front door. Ironically it’s the same day we got our WFRer certifications so naturally Jane thinks we’re out celebrating. We struggle turning the key in the door, stumble into the house and let out a woooooo. Jane doesn’t miss a beat, she starts dancing and celebrating with us. Nick tells her we were just stopping by to get some more money so we can take her out to the club to celebrate. She stops playing along and I immediately come clean hahahaha.
3. End of Sedona day. Jane’s in the kitchen, we’re in the car. “Let’s pretend we’re fighting”, Nick suggests. “This is going to be AWESOME!”, I add. I open the door first, Nick’s 10 feet behind me. Jane, “Hey Fiona, guess who’s home.” She walks around the corner to see me slam the door in Nick’s face. “He’s such an asshole,” I mumble under my breath. She laughs, possibly catching onto our antics. Nick opens the door, “Come on man, it’s not that bad.” I cut him off, “FUCK YOU!” and walk down the hall. I can just hear Jane, “Uh oh! Uh oh!” I turn around to see her start to follow me down the hall with the same concerned look on her face and we start laughing again. She stamps her feet. “You guys get me every day!” Hahaha
I promise no more Jane ;)
The internet has been crapping out ever since I got here and the router is in my room so even though I was tired from the day’s activities I couldn’t go lay down because the internet repair guy would be here soon. The three of us sat down and talked about the day and about how Jane won’t be around when we graduate ranger training so she begged us to stay longer, all the while my head got heavier and heavier. We started talking about books and there was no way out for me. With a leg crossed and sitting straight up, my head fell backwards while being rested in my hand and I began to snore during their book sharing stories. It was pretty funny, very rude, but I heard every word that was said. Some pictures were taken and Jane had some fun at my expense. Payback I guess. The internet guy came and took forever in my room so I checked on him, had to show him how to turn the wireless connector on on my laptop and went back to the living room to read some more of my park ranger book. He was done and left and Jane & I did little lasso “jump on it” victory dance as he left. I returned to my room and found that he left it in piss poor shape. All of the internet wires were now running across the front of my closet and I didn’t take any time to see if everything worked 100%.
 |
| Too Much Fresh Air hahaha |
Nick & I wanted to explore the mall…it sucks. It’s the smallest mall I’ve ever seen but it did have a decent “ghetto store” called something like K-Momo or something like that. My sister Katie always asks for stuff from Torrid but I thought they were only an online store…this mall has an actual store. Nick ventured into Radio Shack & saw they had a TV tuner that allows you to watch TV on your computer but it was $50. So we headed to Best Buy to see if they were any better…nope worse. That shopping center is right across from the Toyota dealership and we’ve passed a new White 4Runner in the lot a few times.
Nick: Do you wanna go see your 4Runner or can we just go to Walmart so I can get shoe polish.
Me: (It’s 7:59) We better go to Walmart before it closes.
Nick: Closes? Walmarts by you close?
Sheesh, we get there and this Super Walmart sucker is open 24 hours. We pick up a few things, including V-Neck T-shirts to go under our uniforms in “The Academy” and head home. Upon all of our travels I saw a bunch of movies I wanted to see so I decided I was going to sign up for Netflix when I got home. I did but my PS3 had to update its software which required the internet to not be a jerk-wad…that was a long process. I finally got the sucker up & running and fell asleep watching Commando.
I love that movie.
Witch Way Did He Go?
I MADE myself sleep very late today. I got up a few times for potty breaks but I was determined to sleep late today. I think I heard Nick try to wake me up at one point but it was sleepy time. I finally got myself out of bed at 11. Went in the bathroom, FINALLY shaved my head and facial hair so that they were the same length, and then showered. When I was getting dressed I noticed that Nick wasn’t around and his car was gone. What the hell? Where did he go? Jerzinois doesn’t go exploring without each other! Hahahaha just kidding. I got dressed and started setting my laptop up for the homework assignments we have to do pre-Ranger Training. Internet still sucks so I texted Jane to give her the heads up. They can’t get here until Monday. CRAP! I got homework to do. I went out for some exploring of my own but didn’t get far. I joined this crazy gym that Kathy (Ranger Program Director) suggested since us non-credit students can’t use the gym facilities outside of classroom hours; this place is wild. It’s called Aquaplex, and the dude behind the counter did nothing to try to earn my business. I spearheaded the entire transaction and then gave myself a tour of the place.
It’s almost like a knockoff YMCA but I’ve never seen a YMCA with an indoor waterpark…even if it’s geared mostly toward kids. It has a kiddie pool, ok, but it also has a lazy river, waterslides that go outside the building, 2 lap pools, sweet bball courts, volleyball court, a rockwall, a game room, a little lounge with a fireplace, a track (somewhere), oh yeah…and gym equipment. Cost of a 3-month membership…105 bucks (if it were elks I could’ve told them where I saw 3, get it? lol) and it expires just before graduation. I’m looking forward to getting it in there.
I didn’t do much exploring other than that. I tried to find the Toyota dealership to go drool on my 4Runner and then Nick called wondering where I was and seeing if I wanted to go to a movie tonight. I really didn’t, we’re getting sucked into vacation mode here…which I guess is good considering we’ll have almost no time for anything after Tuesday…but I was more in the mood to just chill and safe money. I brought the J~DuB mobile in for its first ever self pump gas fill, even after 8 years things can still be new J, grabbed a spicy McChicken from McDonald’s and headed back. I never eat spicy food but it was actually pretty good. I read through the homework assignment and was about to complete the mandatory quiz for it when I heard Nick answer the door…it was another internet guy stopping by 3 days early. I heard Nick about to dismiss him, saying they were there the day before, so I ran to the door. I invited the guy in, told him what I knew then hung around while tried to figure it out. It turns out the router was plugged into a crappy jack hole (hahahahahahahahahaha) but we haven’t had problems since. I took the quiz, got 100% and began to chill for a bit.
I could tell something was wrong with Nick but I figured he was just bored with all of this spare time we have now. He asked if I wanted to go do something. We couldn’t figure out what to do but I said sure, let’s go get lost. Flagstaff is so weird. I don’t think the temperature broke the 40s today and there were people buying ice cream from THE ICE CREAM MAN! Tried to get a picture but my camera wasn’t quick enough. I turned the corner and there was another ice cream truck parked in somebody’s driveway hahahahaha. We were cruising around some neighborhood when Arkansas called Nick to see if we wanted to go see a movie..D’OH. We were in the area so we said we’d pick her up but when we got near her house, she was driving the other way. She forgot something at the coffee shop. We only waited a few minutes then she was back. It was at this juncture that I introduced Illinois & Arkansas to the lyrical stylings of my boy J. Kush. All they ever talk about is The Stones, Led Zeppelin, Beatles….God Smack, Red Hot Chili Peppers…so I decided it was time to broaden their horizons. I’m not sure if they were into it but I don’t care, I’m proud to have that CD.
We were too late for the 430 showing of True Grit so the only thing that worked out, in their minds, was Season of the Witch, which was about an hour and a half away. We got our tickets and they wanted to try a Mexican Restaurant out…that was all the way back by home haha. We ended up driving for longer than we wanted to and still couldn’t find the place so we opted for 1 of 50 between our house & NAU’s campus. It wasn’t bad, I got some sort of enchilada…I think that’s the first time I’ve ever had one. During the course of our travels, Travis reached out to see what was going on and he late met us at the movie theater.
Has Nicholas Cage done anything good since Face/Off? Season of the Witch is a decent DVD movie, good thing it only cost us SIX BUCKS to go see it. Movie theaters sooooo much cheaper out here. To make the movie more interesting, Travis & I began applying our WFRer knowledge to various scenes of the movie. “Oh that’s impalement.” “Never remove the first bandage!” “Cut on the hand, that’s an immediate EVAC.” Get the point?
 |
| Killer aka The Meanest Cat I Ever Met |
 |
| I Think Its Name is Scrappy...Good Kitty on My Lap. |
We went back to Travis’ apartment and were issued 1 warning; don’t try pet the orange cat it’ll attack us. So naturally I tried to be the Beast Master & hunt down the orange cat. We didn’t find her initially but he had a super fat gray cat with a smushed in face. I think its name was Scrappy. It was a big fat gray pooof ball whose legs were too weak to support its bodyweight but it could still move when it needed too. I had enough of fun pleasurable cat, I wanted to find the orange beast which was ironically named, Killer. I looked all around for Killer as I heard horror stories of her running and attacking people as soon as they walked in the door like an attack dog off in the distance. His roommate wasn’t home but her door was cracked open a good ways so I peaked my head in; thhheeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeee’s Killer! I instantly felt like Benny “The Jet” Rodriquez who was going to brave The Beast to get Smalls’ Step-Dad’s Babe Ruth autographed baseball back (Sandlot). Travis opened the door and turned on the light, I walked in and the 3 of them gathered by the door to watch the show. I didn’t take it slow, I went right in to pet Killer and for about 10 seconds I succeeded…then the growling and hissing started. “You are the meanest cat I’ve seen what the hell is wrong with you? I’m a nice guy from Jersey.” I tried to reassure her. I then tried bribing her with treats, which she happily ate but wouldn’t give me the time of day. Growl, Hiss. We went back into the living room and I sat on the floor against the couch at the end of the hallway to see if Killer would come out…she did. She sat at the end of the hall way and stared a hole through me. Tried treats again, didn’t work, so Travis tied one of her toys to a string and lured her into the living room. She sat about 2 feet away from me and that was it. If I raised my hand to scratch my head, she hissed. She ate a treat if I threw it but I tried hand feeding her, no White Fang/Ethan Hawke bonding moment for me. She swatted at my hand but was declawed so I said she was giving me a pound/Knucks/fist bump symbolizing we were cool with each other…but I knew we really weren’t.
I directed my attention to the TV and watched 1,000 Ways to Die…GREAT SHOW; especially if you’re with a group of people who just finished their WFR certifications. We were preparing our EVAC plans every time they showed what happened inside the body as they were “dying”. Do you know anybody cooler than us? I saw it was getting late in Jersey time so I headed out to the parking lot to call Laura who was on her way to round 2 of her triple header of work. My poor lady didn’t get much sleep. I hope the night goes super fast for her. When I returned, Killer let Arkansas close enough and she smelled her hand then without warning…bit it THEN hissed. It was right around then it was time to go. I quarterbacked some plans for a bunch of us to meet tomorrow morning so we could car pool on down to the Grand Canyon and made some new FB friends with some more future rangers then we were off. We dropped Arkansas off and headed back when I saw a shadow run across the street. “It’s just a person”, Nick suggested. “I don’t think so”, I replied. I slowed down to the front of this house with now lights but you could definitely make out the outline of massive buck with his beautiful branching antlers. Yay another animal!
We got home, I took placed my now thawed tilapia patties into a honey dijon marinade and put it back in the fridge for tomorrow night, completed another homework assignment, checked on La Stone at work and then shared the last 2 days with all my peeps from the East Coast…and whoever else reads it. It only took 2.5 hours! Now I must hit the sack; as Laura puts it…I have lots of Grand Canyoning to do tomorrow.
I hope everybody’s well.
Flagstaff Observations:
1. They still have pay phones here.
2. People from Flagstaff are VERY proud to be from Flagstaff and they HATE the people from Phoenix. They even have bumper stickers expressing it. You know those little white window stickers that are like 3 letters that represent a town or something. Well these bumper stickers read, “Don’t PHX FLG” and the PHX & FLG are in those little oval stickers. Speaking of pride, some rich chick in a Range Rover has a license plate that say, FLG4EVR. Obsessed Much?
3. I gotta get used to pumping my own gas…get with the times NJ.
4. It’s never too cold for the ice cream man, apparently.
5. Movie theaters are MUCH cheaper here.
MOUNT UP!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment