PT & Tacos

Tacos for the Boys

Around the time of my last post I decided to work a little bit more on my new hobby since gambling is frowned upon by the NPS, torturing Nick.  My roomie had to go out and purchase a new belt because both the one he had and the pants he got for the PRTP were too big.  Bless his soul, he was trying on his new threads and belt around the house.  “Dude, why are you still in your uniform?”, I inquired.  “I had to buy a new belt because the one I had was too big but I don’t think this looks right.”  His still too big pants were hiked up a little high so I responded, “Nah man you look official…..officially like Urkel.” Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. He didn’t find it funny.

Steve Urkel doing the patented Jeff Ward Dance

It’s Wednesday which means it’s PT day!  It’s our first PT day in fact so not many people knew what to expect.  I dressed the same way I did that night Nick & I went running around our hilly hood, Under Armour’d out on the legs, torso, & dome with my favorite pair of BBall shorts that matches our PRTP t-shirts…just as my knit hat did.  All ranger green baby.  I headed out to the kitchen to grab a water bottle and found another encouraging message from Jane.  I took the smallest swig and 5 hour energy, yech it was old (must be drunk or discarded 3 days after breaking seal) and grabbed a Powerade energy gummy (if you don’t know about those I suggest you get educated on them) & we were out the door but we had to make sure our bedroom doors were open so the vacuuming & dusting lady would do our rooms…she’d been MIA for weeks now.

Another Jane-ism. That cat is a post-it note telling us to enjoy our tacos.

Nick & I were very familiar with our new class location because we were meeting in the gym that used for a lot of WFR scenarios.  We got halfway to the building and I realized I left my student ID in my car and for some reason our shirts aren’t ID enough to get into the rec center…so I got a little workout in early running back to my car and then all the way through two parking lots and around the building to the front door.  That hurt.  The class was all huddling up by the cubbies in the gym and I immediately got it from some of my peers about my attire.  “What are you cold or something?” (It was like 52 degrees outside)  “Oh we can tell you’re from the city.” (that comment basically came from the fact that I was wearing baggy shorts….excuse me nut huggers).  My responses made everybody laugh so it was all good.  Travis, John (of WFR fame), just started ripping on each other and just a few quick observations I’ve made.  1.) I think Travis, John, Nick, or myself would make a very good Class President…but that’s just me being biased since I know them the best. 2.) I haven’t figured out which is funnier to watch…John get frustrated and he tries to voice it or when Travis gets embarrassed and turns red.  You’d have to see them to be the judge. 

We spent most of the beginning of class standing around and talking about what we were expecting because our instructor, Mike, has to teach 2 classes in order for us to be able to reserve the building.  I took that time to try learn everybody’s names (I have them all!) and somehow stories of my patented dance moves, among other stories, leaked out…so naturally I made some more people laugh to help pass the time.   This is the first time I’ve done this and it’s even harder without seeing how we’re sitting in the classroom but here’s the names all 25 of my classmates go by.  As I’ve mentioned before there are 4 girls with very similar first names so I said none of them get ownership of that name so they are Arkansas, Texas, Carter & Hamilton and the other 2 girls are Christine and (I can’t spell it but) Terya. Then the WFR dudes, Josh, John, Travis, Brad, Pat, & Nick.  Then the guys I met at our meet & greet & Grand Canyon trip, Jake, Curtis (CJ), Sean, Owen, Nick Money (that’s his real last name!), Eric V. and Stan. Then lastly there’s all the guys I didn’t know before Tuesday: Matt, Eric N, Alex, Jacob, Forest, Brice, and finally…myself.  I bet nobody else can do that!  It’ll take me a while to get all of their states down but I know we got at least one more from Wisconsin in there, one from Utah, and one from Virginia.  Now that’s Class President material!

Due to time split with the classes our PT day was basically just an orientation day combined with a little bit of high school gym class.  We were broken off into pairs and I initially got partnered up with John but then he got traded and I got Stan; he’ll be my partner in crime for the next 13 weeks.  We were walked through the very very small area designed to be a weight room, which is an open area nestled at the end of the indoor track, then we made our way to the volleyball court for some stretching and workout techniques.  Whenever I go to the gym I only stretch my legs and when I do I usually only do the stretches my physical therapists showed me for my sciatica, so it was almost comical that stretching my upper body after two days of lifting to strengthen it hurt so bad.  Wanna know what hurt the most? (go ahead sing it…was being sooo close)  Remember those arm circle things you used to do in gym class? Stand up and put your arms out to the side in a T formation and then move them in a circular motion, starting small then getting much bigger…then doing it again the other way?  THOSE KILLED ME!  We did a couple of warm up exercises that reminded me of the circuits I used to do on the “No Ball” opening day of basketball tryouts in high school and then we worked a little bit on form. 

We saw the kinds of pushups, situps, & burpies we’d be doing but I saw this next exercise coming months ago and I figured it’d be the focus of our workouts!  We were to work on a proper squat form and thanks to my compression pants, I couldn’t get low enough without really forcing it. Every time I stood back up I felt light headed…not good.  Before the end of class we did a circuit of squats, 20 seconds on, 10 seconds off, for 4 minutes.  The lowest amount of squats you could do in a 20 second period was your “score”.  My average was 11 but I stumbled one time so my score was 9.  The score to beat from the last class….23!  Daaaaaaaayyyyuuuuuuummmmmmmmm.   Afterwards everybody’s legs felt like jello and it was time for us to break for lunch.  We had an hour and a half before class started and needed to shower so Nick & I, after thinking the other went to the car ahead of the other thus delaying our departure, headed back home.  The cleaning lady, Bessie, was still a no show…what else is new.  Nick jumped in the shower and I made a sandwich then flipped out looking of my flashdrive that serves as my notebook for class…no luck.  We switched, I got dressed, and we were right back on the road again.  This is one routine that I see getting VERY old VERY fast. 

We walked into class and our instructor of the day made his way around the class and introduced himself to everybody personally.  We were waiting for everybody else to arrive so the instructor asked, “Anybody know any jokes? Who’s the funny one in the class?”  Jake didn’t hesitate to offer my services, less than 60 seconds after I met the instructor, and a few eyeballs turned my way.  I drew a blank and I was let off the hook. ***If anybody knows any appropriate jokes hit me up so I can steal them***

 Today’s lesson was a history lesson.  Yellowstone was the first national park.  That’s a nice tidbit for ya’ll. Some of you may have known that but here’s something I’m sure just about all of you didn’t know.  The reason why we have the kind of training that the NPS has today for rangers is because of an event involving HIPPIES!!!!  My security brothers pretty much have a similar distaste for hippies and this event would probably add fuel to that fire.  It was basically a riot but I’m not really sure who’s to blame but it resulted in better training for rangers so yaaaaaaaaaaaay us!

After class, we had to stop at the grocery store to pick up some meat & stuff for the tacos and I signed up for my little Safeway “Price Plus” card.  Yikes! I better not start planting any roots out here. We got home and it was time for more of my favorite new hobby…torturing Nick.  Nick has been waiting for a package to come for quite some time now, I’ve gotten a few in recent weeks and I’ve been expecting a few things to come in the mail.  We pull up to the driveway and Nick got excited because there was a box at our door.  I told him to go get it and I’d get the mail from the mailbox.  “It’s for you!” he yelled in disgust hahahahahahahahahahahaha.  To make matters worse I had mail in the mailbox too; a weatherproof field interview notepad. The box was from The Hoops so that meant only one thing…MAMA COOKIES!!!! That puts my mail/package count advantage to about 40:0 over Nick.  I don’t mean to make fun, its hard being away from home and everybody you love, so I said I’m going to mail him something.  I tore open the box and said dude you have to try one of these and handed him a cookie. 

If you’re reading this and would like to cheer Nick up, send him ANYTHING:

Nick Poulos.

3212 N Schevene Blvd.

Flagstaff AZ, 86004

He’ll appreciate the gesture but don’t forget about me…I love mail….just go easy on the sweets from now on or I’m going to be as big as one of these mountains out here and these outdoorsy freaks will try to climb me.

Nick got cracking on cooking the beef and I went crazy looking for my flashdrive, good thing nothing was on it….wouldn’t ya know it…Bessie STILL didn’t come!  I knew I put my drive in my pants pocket when I left class and I hung my pants up in my closet when we got home the day before…using this reasoning…BOOOMSHAKALAKA!  (wow, Microsoft Word didn’t try to spell check BOOOMSHAKALAKA) Whoomp there it is! My blue flashdrive fell onto the blue case of water I have stored away in my closet. Arkansas came over and joined us for our taco feast that I poorly chopped a tomato for.  We ate at our dining room table for like the 3^rd time ever and then Nick & Arkansas…or as I call them….mom & dad…started clearing the table and my noisy compliment to the chef from the back door startled Nick from across the room.  My butt was like a ventriloquist, he thought something fell inside the refrigerator…that good.  (It just took my 4 minutes to type that sentence because I was laughing to hard and couldn’t breathe hahahahahahaha)

Taco Time

After dinner I retired to my room for some boot shining and some Netflix.  I was ready to fall asleep around 9pm but I just couldn’t sleep.  I hopped on Facebook and I’m glad I did.  An old friend I grew up going to school with shared some really touching news.  He’d been toying with the idea of going back to school for awhile and he told me that after reading The Triple F (this blog) that he decided it was finally time to bite the bullet.  My writing even earned me a beer when I get back to NJ!  I’ll make it a Barg’s or an A&W, Stewart’s is also good.  When he told me that I was overcome with awesomeness.  It’s so cool seeing how many people are in t he same boat in so many walks of life.  So if there’s one thing that I guess you guys can take from all of this is you’re not alone; no matter how bad you think things may be, there are other people going through similar phases in their lives.  It’s not always easy to identify who they are but if you find them, use (for lack of a better word) them.  You never know how influential you can be and when you guys help each other, you’ll make each other feel better.  

What the hell?!?! When did I turn into Michael Jackson?  No seriously…I meant that.  Remember how I was ready to give up on the WFR course until everybody else voiced how lost they were?  I was in my shell up until that point in the class and once I realized I wasn’t alone, NAU WFRers got to see the real Jeff Ward.  I rolled with it when meeting my fellow ranger trainees and it led one of my classmates to telling one our instructors that I was the funny one in the group.  Not exactly how I wanna be remembered but I can’t hide from who I am.  

I couldn’t really sleep last night so I did what any insomniac would do, watch old Beavis & Butthead episodes on Netflix and re-runs of the Jersey Shore online. Prior to doing that, I submitted my fitness goal for the class. If I reach that goal…WATCH OUT! I finally fell asleep but it was super late at night/early in the morning.  At least I got to talk to Maureen & Matt and then Katie & Baby Jimmy tonight!

Woooooof.

Tired

Man it was rough waking up this morning; and waking up early-ish was optional.  We had an optional job application seminar from 10-12 before class started at 1 but what maniac would skip out on that?  Apparently some did and according to Kathy, even more did in last semester’s class.  I drug major ass getting ready this morning but we were told we would have a dry run uniform/appearance inspection before class today so that meant I had to shave…again.  Shaving every day is tough, especially since I think my New York Giants Gillette Fusion is out to hurt me. 

The workshop was basically a review of stuff I found out on my own with a few key pointers here and there.  We scour for jobs on a government job site and today I broadened my scope by just typing in “park” as my keyword.  I don’t know what will come of it but I found some jobs to save to apply to later.  During our lunch break, everybody was lamenting about how sore they were from our intro to PT day…I was feeling it a little less than everybody else which was a shocker.  The only part of me hurt was the left side of my right leg hamstring…if that makes sense. It wasn’t too bad but it made me walk with a bit of a limp.  I can’t wait until I reach 23 squats!  Not wanting to have to worry about finding a spot later in the day I was looking for another alternative to leaving campus for lunch, CJ suggested one of the cafeterias 2 buildings down so him, Nick, & I headed that way.  This place was cool if not for anything other than the name…The DUB!!!!!  This place was like a 3 headed monster.  It had a convenience store, then your traditional all-you-can eat buffet style cafeteria, and then there was the section we went to….which I guess could be summed up as a food court or something similar to a rest area on the Parkway or wherever.  There were three stations, pasta, burger, & pita.  We all got chicken caesar wraps, I got mine on a spinach wrap with a banana & a raspberry tea, and since there were no open tables so we took our grub to go.

Is This My Kind of Place OR WHAT!?!?!?!?!

Pat & Owen putting together a puzzle during lunch.

Remember back when I told you that mountain biking was like crack to these Flagstaffians?  The Quad, I guess it’s called, looked like the creepy pimp daddy walk through the laundromat, secret knock on a wall panel to the downstairs underground lair crack house.  Since it’s fresh in my brain, if you’ve ever seen Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, just think of all the bikes that were out in that shopping center when Pee Wee super chains up his bike before it gets stolen and multiply that times 5.  (I’d post a video but I couldn’t find one).  We were walking on the sidewalk and dudes were just off roading on their bikes, passing us left and right.  I’m so happy that people actually still ride bikes.  I don’t know…weird. 

We got back to our building and found a student lounge for us to eat.  It was just about time to head up to class, see how fast that went, and the first thing we did go through our dry run uniform inspection.  I’d been giving everyone the heads up to make sure their butt buttons were buttoned, not everybody listened and Kathy reiterated my point.  Good thing it was a dry run.  Our belts have to match our boots but mine are a little off, they’re different shades of brown.  My belt is so dark brown it looks black and Kathy had to clarify it with me.  Maybe I’ll look for a lighter colored belt.

***If anybody knows where I can find normal cotton plain brown socks please direct me to them…I can’t take my feet sweating in these wool winter socks anymore! ***

We had a bit more history today but we turned more towards the functions and practices of NPS rangers.  Covered some important and interesting stuff and then it was time to head home.  My leg was really getting to me now.  Got home, guess who got more mail & guess who still didn’t get any!  Seriously guys, send Nick something.  My last fantasy football championship check arrived along with a weatherproof EMS notepad and “rite in the rain” pen….I’m really going to miss that Amazon gift card.

I chatted with La Stone on La Phone which was good for me because I’ve really been missing her. L I knew she was in good hands because she had her weekly date with Samantha “Happy Birthday” Faljean which is cool cuz she’s super rad!  They’re having t-shirt time then probably making burgers for the boys.

I got a cool Facebook shout out from Tiffany Petriello, she’s already planning a magazine for me called Ranger Jeff…biting off the old school Ranger Rick magazines that are out there.  She’s funny hahahaha.

I tried to get out to the Brooklyn Decker look alike cleaners but they closed at 6…damn.  I then ventured over to Walgreens and yes you guessed it…they even sell alcohol there too.  Walgreens was a bit of a disappointment because I needed more hangers so I then went to the best place on earth, Super Walmart.  $1.25 for 10 hangers!!!  They were $5.99 Walgreens.  I’m such a bargain shopper.  When I got home it was time for dinner so I made some whole wheat penne and threw in some left over taco meat, tomatoes, & alfredo sauce…pretty damn good. I chatted with B~DuB for a bit then started on the Triple F.  Laura called and made me laugh, even SHE got to use the “that’s like a dollar an hour” line in context.  She did have some bad news for me these past two days.  My baby Indy is walking around with a bad limp and there’s NOTHING I can do for her. L L L I hope she gets better soon.

Alright dudes & dudettes.  The next 4 days are going to be brutal so please keep the health of my back in your thoughts. We have our first 1.5 mile run in our PT tomorrow, then 8-5 Sat & Sun we have defensive tactics and then Monday morning is PT time again.  LIVE FOR THIS!!!!!!

Good Night.

MOUNT UP!!!!